


Here and now

by ShinMeiko



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Malec, what happens next
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 07:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19057921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: Magnus is having a recurring nightmare, and Alec helps him find peace.





	Here and now

**Author's Note:**

> Little disclaimer: I haven't read the books, so this is entirely based on the show.
> 
> Also it's my first Malec fic, I just wanted to try something new, but clearly I have no idea what I'm doing.

Magnus wakes up out of breath, sweating, his heart pounding furiously. Again. It’s the third time this month. His fear is manageable during the day, but he can’t control the pictures spiraling in his mind when he closes his eyes.

It’s the middle of the night, and the bedroom is pitch black. Magnus doesn’t mind. He sees better than most in the dark.

The warlock makes a glass of water appear out of thin air. It helps a little bit. Not much.

He then turns to the man asleep on the other side of the bed. It’s what calmed him the first two times. Watching Alec, so peaceful. He looks so much younger when he sleeps. Almost like a teenager. Not like someone who has been fighting all his life and has even been to hell.

The sight of his lover – his _husband_ – is soothing, as always. Centuries on this Earth, thousands of lovers, and then Alexander. It still feels unreal, some days. To have created a bond so strong with someone. To love this deeply and be sure to be loved back.

For hundreds of years, Magnus thought – knew, actually – that he wouldn’t get married. He had fallen in love, but he never found a soul he was willing to tie to his own forever. Besides, he didn’t see the point of talking about forever when every life was fleeting compared to his. That was a ridiculous prospect.

Until the Nephilim archer came into his life and destroyed all Magnus’s certainties one by one. About Shadowhunters, about love, about sex, about commitment, about marriage.

For all those reasons and more, Alec’s face was usually enough to soothe Magnus. Especially after a bad dream. The reality of that face was so much more powerful than any intangible idea. But even that is not enough tonight.

So Magnus gets up and heads toward the end of the corridor. He uses magic to open the door as quietly as he can. This is now his favorite room in the apartment. The blue walls with the golden stars painted on it, the massive armchair, looking even bigger surrounded by all the tiny furniture, the toys, the tiny bed and, most importantly, the tiny body in the bed.

When they got married, Magnus was so sure that he would never love anyone nearly as much as he loves Alec. Oh, how wrong he was proven. He would use Alec as a human shield to protect the sleeping angel in that bed without having to think twice about it.

When Alec suggested that they start a family, that day they were watching Madzie, it warmed Magnus’s heart. Like watching a puppy, or seeing an eighty-years-old couple still in love. But he didn’t take it seriously. It was just a nice dream, a pleasant prospect that could only be possible under better circumstances.

The circumstances are different, now. There is no more Edom. They are married. The Mortal Instruments are gone. The Clave officially supports their union.

So when Alec brought it up again a few months after the wedding, Magnus found himself contemplating the idea, and accepting.

The two men promised each other to work together to be better fathers than the ones they had. Especially Magnus.

They discussed a lot if they should adopt a warlock or a Shadowhunter. But fate doesn’t care about the plans you make, anyway, and they got Andrew instead.

He was a four years old boy who was rescued from a vampire attack by the New York Institute. He is a Mundane, but for a reason no one knows, he has the Sight. His parents had been killed by the vampires, so they had to track the rest of his family.

In the meantime, Alec asked Magnus if they could look after him. It was supposed to be for a couple of days, and they joked about it being good practice for when they would finally be parents.

The joke was on them, because by the time they realized Andrew had no family left, they were completely smitten.

A Shadowhunter husband and a Mundane son. Magnus would never have guessed that one.

But he wouldn’t go back. It’s too late. It sometimes feels like the whole point of his entire life was to lead him to his son. That every decision he made was made to lead him to this very specific moment, sitting by Andrew’s bed, watching him sleep, his little chest rising and falling with every breath.

That’s what he needed. The nightmare is nearly forgotten, now.

 

“Magnus?” The voice is barely a whisper, but in the silence of the night, it’s enough to make Magnus jump.

Alexander is standing by the door, stunning as always, even if he is wearing sweatpants, has messy hair and looks half asleep.

Magnus leaves the bedroom and shuts the door silently with magic. Alec glares at him, since they both decided to not use magic for tasks that can be achieved otherwise when Andrew is with them, but their son is asleep so he lets it slide.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Magnus explains.

“I could tell. Do you want some tea?”

Alec looks like he could go back to sleep in a heartbeat, so Magnus smiles at the offer. Whenever Alec does something selfless like this, it makes Magnus love him more. “I would love some tea.”

They go to the kitchen and Magnus makes two cups of tea appear.

“The point of me offering was that I would actually _make_ _you_ some tea.”

“Mine is better,” Magnus teases.

They sit, and Alec doesn’t beat around the bush. “It’s the third time in three weeks, Magnus. What’s wrong.”

“You noticed?”

“Magnus, you got up three times. But you’ve been agitated most nights lately. Of course, I noticed. I’ve been worried about you. I was hoping it would go away. I guess that’s not happening.”

“I’m sorry if I woke you. You know I don’t like to burden you.”

“You’re not burdening me, Magnus. We took vows, remember? ‘To share our truest feelings.’ I cannot help you if you don’t do that.”

Magnus sighs. He knows that if the situation was reversed, if something was troubling Alexander, he would want to know. He would want to help. “I might have had a couple of nightmares, lately.”

“That started when Andrew called you ‘Papa’, didn’t it?”

“How do you know?”

“I know you more than most, Magnus. Better than anyone, really.”

Magnus’s hands shake slightly around his cup and he puts it back on the desk.

“Alexander, for the first time since I got my magic back, I am wondering if it was for the best.”

“What? Why?”

“He’s so fragile.”

“Who? Andrew?”

“Of course, I’m talking about our little Honey Bee.”

“I still can’t believe he convinced you to call him that… But Magnus… isn’t your magic the best way to protect him?”

“It is.”

“But?”

“But he’s a Mundane. It doesn’t matter how powerful my magic is. He’s still going to die.”

“Oh.”

And the apartment gets completely silent. It’s so quiet that Magnus is pretty sure he can hear his heart beating in his chest.

Alec takes Magnus’s hands in his. “Magnus, we talked about this.”

“No, we didn’t. we talked about you dying. This is different.”

“Why?”

“Alec… I have lost lovers before. I know what it feels like. I know how to survive it. Your death… your death will be a million times worse than anything I had to face, but I might survive it. I also had the choice to end my life and follow you in the grave if, as I suspect, life loses all its appeal without you in it. I promised you I would try to move on, and I will, but… it was nice to have a way out.”

“Magnus…” Magnus raises a finger. Alec is probably going to argue against that idea. It’s a waste of time. It’s not an option anymore.

“Remember the vows. ‘When you will speak, I will listen.’ I know how to lose a lover. But I don’t know how to lose a child. Honey Bee has been with us for only a few months, and I already know that losing you will be nothing compared to losing him. And I will be alone facing it. How does one doesn’t go mad from that?”

“You’re looking at this the wrong way, Magnus. People lose loved ones every day. And it hurts. Sometimes it feels impossible to get back up from it. But people do. Everyday. Because they have something to live for. To fight for. Something worth the pain. I used to be worried about you. About that… way out you mentioned. I’m not worried anymore. When I go, you will have Andrew to fight for. And our other wonderful children that we haven’t met yet. And when their time will come, you will have their children to fight for. That’s the beauty of family.”

“Alexander…”

“Aha… ‘When you will speak, I will listen,’ remember. Magnus… that’s your personal curse. Seeing life bloom and fade around you. But you can’t go there. You can’t let a possible future ruin your present. I need you to come back to us. To here and now. Because it’s all we have.”

Magnus is so grateful for the man in front of him. For his strength, his kindness, and his wisdom. For the way he always reached out to him when he’s lost and helps him find his way back.

Alec kisses him softly. “Here is what we’re going to do. We’re going to go back to bed. If you still can’t sleep, we’ll find something else to do. Tomorrow, we’ll take the day off work and we’ll spend some quality time with our boy. We’ll anchor ourselves back into the present. And then we’ll work on staying in that present. Because we’re happy Magnus. We’re more fortunate than most. That’s what you need to focus on. Not worry about what isn’t yet. How does that sound?”

“That sounds perfect, Alexander. That sounds like marrying you is the best decision I ever made.”

Alec smiles, and Magnus' heart melts, like every time. He can’t help but kiss his husband. Alexander did it. He calmed Magnus’s fears. The warlock knows he could go back to sleep, now. But first, he’s going to take the Shadowhunter up on his offer to find something else to do in their bed.

 

 

 


End file.
